Rangas can celebrate at last

AND so political history was made in Australia last week: our first ever redhead prime minister.(Yes, historical nit-pickers, our ninth PM James Scullin had a bit of the ranga about him too, but he was also our first Catholic prime minister, and I’m sorry but he can’t have all the firsts.)Never mind that Julia Gillard is also a woman, for surely after myriad female premiers, governors and a governor-general, it’s almost embarrassing that it took us this long to toss a guernsey to a set of ovaries. Even New Zealand had a female PM before us. And just quietly, after their admirable World Cup showing, are we not thinking it’s time to drain the Tasman Sea altogether? (Oh come on, then. Over you come, Kiwis. No more sheep jokes, we promise.)If you’re not a redhead (which statistically is 98-99 per cent of you), then you might not appreciate the significance of Julia Gillard being one. Indeed, you probably wouldn’t know what it’s like to be a target of playground ridicule simply because you happen to possess two copies of a recessive gene on chromosome 16 – a scenario that delivers not just flaming hair but often also pasty skin, freckles and a fuse shorter than Andrew Johns’ train of thought.Trust me. It’s tough to continue playing touch footy in the schoolyard when people start to think your head is on fire.Harder still to explain is why your face still looks like a Jaffa four days after exercise. Is it any wonder that redheads develop giant chips on their blistered shoulders when so few people look past our cruel lack of pigmentation?(And isn’t it just lucky for the rest of the population that redheads don’t carry grudges? That we don’t in adulthood choose to mobilise against all the hypocrites who mocked us in high school and later spend thousands of dollars trying to dye their hair the very same colour that once so amused them?Isn’t it fortunate for all those nasty, narrow-minded philistines that we’re not in the slightest part bitter? Not one bit.But besides a measure of vindication, Australia’s new leadership also represented for me a sign of hope. No, not necessarily hope that the Labor Party has a clue what it’s doing anymore, but rather hope that we ginger whingers aren’t quite ready to shuffle off this mortal coil.After all, it was only recently announced (by a bunch of blonde genetic scientists, no doubt) that redheads are likely to be extinct within 100 years. Due to the process of “global intermingling” – which by widening the net of possible partners one is exposed to effectively reduces the likelihood of redheads hooking up and producing more of their own – rangas are apparently on the way out. Gone. Kick the door shut on your way out, Fatty Finn.Accordingly, I have since been counting every day as a blessing, that is until fair Julia made her move and trimmed Rudd’s white locks faster than even her tress-tackling partner might’ve managed.Many minorities have experienced symbolic victories in recent years: the Australian indigenous population by way of a long-overdue apology; America’s former slave class by way of Obama’s election. It is an age to dream big, and for a long time my own dream has been this: a red sea of freckle-faced hotheads, defiantly spouting melanomas and spraying cans of Fanta all over the lawn of Parliament House to hail a redhead’s ascent to the head of the class.Victory to the [email protected]南京夜网
Nanjing Night Net

This story Administrator ready to work first appeared on Nanjing Night Net.

Comments are closed.